The current society is in a period of great stress upon the family. The stress is attributable to three factors namely: the rural-urban migration due to the impact of industrialization; the sexual revolution which has altered the values and role concepts of couples, and the impact of harsh economy in terms of high cost of living which has compelled the womenfolk to join the labour market.
Apart from the above, there are some other seemingly innocuous factors that also contribute to family stress. These factors are so fundamental that they constitute remote causes of marital distress. If the foundation is weak, the entire structure will be defective. Failure to address these fundamental issues has been the bane of many marriages. Therefore, the purpose of this article is to identify seven of these factors and proffer solutions so that those who are currently experiencing marital distress may find solutions, and others who are not may learn from the experience of others
Causes of Marital Stress
(i) Marriage relationships that were contracted when both partners were ungodly.
A family that has no time for God, or does not believe in godliness is laying a foundation for marital distress. Such family will have no place to go spiritually during the storms of life since it has no prior relationship with God.
A couple that has no relationship with God cannot obey the will of God concerning their lives, neither will they obey the biblical injunctions on marital issues. For instance, virtues like forgiveness, patience, kindness, endurance, love cannot have meaning to them. So, to get married to an ungodly partner is an invitation to marital distress. The Bible states clearly that there is no fellowship between light and darkness (II Corinthians 6:14). Therefore, consequences of leaving God out of the choice of a partner far outweigh the gains.
(ii) Marriages based on accidental pregnancy.
Another cause of marital distress nowadays is accidental pregnancy. Many people are forced to marry because of accidental pregnancy. A situation like this gives no room for the adequate preparations that characterize the establishment of an ideal home. These include introduction, courtship, engagement, and wedding. These can be regarded as probationary periods during which the two partners would study themselves, find out areas of disagreement and carry out adjustments as may be necessary.
(iii) Sex before marriage.
Premarital sex is another foundation for marital distress. The Bible clearly commands that the marriage bed be undefiled (Hebrews 13:4). Disobedience to this command is a sin of fornication, which attracts punishment one of which is marital distress. So, if you violate God’s Word through the sin of fornication, you cannot expect God’s blessings in your marriage.
(iv) Marriages contracted after demonic consultation.
Whenever some young fellows inform their parents about whom they intend to marry. The parents would collect the names of such would-be spouses for checkup with local witch doctors. By this action the prospective couple is introduced to the devil unknowingly, and the young family becomes vulnerable to demonic manipulations, which will end up in marital distress.
(v) Marriages enforced by parents.
Some parents, anxious to see their children get married, force them into injurious marital relationships. They do this by marrying off their girl-child to either some wealthy businessman, traditional ruler, or someone from a particular profession e.g. lawyer, medicine, accountancy. The girl-child, unable to make any decision in this process, will grow up sometimes in her husband’s houses. Marriages contracted under such pressure cannot but end up in distress, because the basic ingredients of marriage, like love, are missing.
(vi) Marriage based on blood covenants.
Many young people blindly go into covenants to prove their loyalty to each other. For instance, one such covenant is by cutting selves with razor blades and forming terrible blood covenants without knowing the implication of what they are doing. Such covenants are foundations of marital distress, especially when they are unable to keep the covenant terms for one reason or the other by marrying other partner.
(vii) Marriages based on physical attraction and material interest.
Physical attraction cannot sustain a marriage, because beauty fades with age, and appearance cannot give lasting satisfaction. Similarly, a marriage based on material wealth only will not last. It is good to live a comfortable life, but a home established only on physical attraction and materialism is a foundation for marital distress. When these are gone there will be nothing to sustain the marriage in the storms of life.
The Way Out
The success of a marriage is directly proportional to the strength of its foundation. The fear of God is the beginning of a successful marriage. The day you become a child of God, your life is taken away from a bad foundation and placed on Jesus the solid Rock, and with Him your marriage will never fail.
It is possible that your foundation was really bad; but you do not have to worry. God can change your foundation if you cooperate with him. The following six steps should be considered inorder to correct your faulty marital foundation:
(i) Identify your foundation.
You need to ask yourself some soul-searching questions concerning your marital background:
- What kind of background do I have?
- What are the problems that are capable of affecting my marriage negatively?
- What are those things which my parents did deliberately or ignorantly to affect my marriage?
- Am I under any covenant, curse or bondage?
Spend quality time on this. It will help you to deal with all the roots of marital distress.
(ii) Confess and repent.
Confess your sins and repent wholeheartedly. Repentance will earn you a transfer from the platform of bad foundation to the level of happiness in your marriage. Failure to do so will embolden the devil to continue to use those sins as a legal weapon to strengthen your marital distress.
(iii) Embark on aggressive and well-targeted prayer.
Embark on aggressive prayers. The devil will not readily allow you to enjoy happiness in your marriage, until you subject him to repeated prayer bombardments. Therefore, invite the Lord Jesus Christ into your life, and let him rebuild your marriage. Break every curse, and release yourself from evil covenants. Pray for deliverance from marital stress and the polluting influences of anti-marriage forces.
(iv) Restitution
You need to do restitution, where necessary. This would enable you to become free completely. If you fail to do restitution, the devil will always have a case against you to maintain distress in your marriage.
Your willingness to consider the above will make you to experience all the goodness that God has programmed for your marriage.
Samson Adeyekun
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/causes-of-marital-distress-706110.html
